For the QueryKombat pre-contest Query Party:
I’ve done tons of rewrites on both the query and first 250. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your help.
Query for The Seer and the Shaman, Adult, Genre: Horror because of ghosts (need help to confirm this)
Seeing ghosts and visions isn’t thirty-two-year-old Sarah Nance’s idea of fun, and trying to ignore them is a fiasco. Physical side effects from being an empath flat out piss her off. She’d rather lead a ‘normal’ life than deal with the troubles and frustrations caused by her gifts. On the other hand Rebecca, Sarah’s Shaman sister, embraces her intuitive abilities and enhances them every chance she gets. Her calming effects are apt to save the day when things go awry. While Sarah sees ghosts, Rebecca senses their presence and emotions. Since childhood the sisters have shared unusual talents, namely telepathy and telekinesis.
Snubbing her gifts proves impossible when a wedding dress clad ghost decides Sarah is the one to solve her murder. As she tends to do, Sarah reaches out to Rebecca for help and guidance. Much to her chagrin, and Rebecca’s delight, the duo agree to aid the skeptical detective working the case and who’s in for a rude awakening when the specter joins the investigation. The sisters’ amateur sleuthing uncovers information indicating the murderer is a serial killer controlled by an evil spirit. Rebecca gives Sarah on-the-job training in the fine art of dealing with bad spirits, including the not so delicate use of Frog’s Breath. The sisters combine their skill sets in an effort to identify the ghost, unravel the murder secrets, and fight to stop the killer and evil being. If they fail, their lives, and the life of the ghostly bride’s daughter, will be lost.
First 250 words:
Moonlight shimmering through lacy curtains cast an eerie glow over the room. Thirty-two-year-old Sarah Nance sat on the bed hugging her knees to her chest, trembling. An all-consuming sense of foreboding kept her eyes wide as she nervously waited. Glancing at her sleeping husband she knew nothing he could do would stop what’s coming. With a heavy sigh she peered into a shadowy corner and sensed a familiar shift in the energy surrounding her. Heaviness filled the air. As it did the last three nights, adrenaline surged through her veins when the chilling apparition floated out of the shadows directly toward her.
Rendered speechless and unable to move Sarah couldn’t pull the blankets over her head. Sweat mingling with tears and heart pounding, her mind franticly screamed, ‘What do you want? Go away! Leave me alone!’
Hovering inches off the floor next to the bed, the wedding dress clad woman ignored Sarah’s telepathic ranting. Slowly raising an arm the ghost pointed at Sarah.
By the look of determination raging in the specters huge eyes, Sarah knew the visions would come. In a futile attempt to block them she squeezed her eyes shut and braced herself.
Without saying a word the ghost imprinted thoughts in Sarah’s mind, ‘Look at my dress. See my dress. Notice my dress.’
Sarah didn’t respond.
The specter vehemently demanded, ‘Look—at—my—dress!’
She squeezed her eyes tighter. ‘You’ve already shown me your dress! Go away!’ Feeling a cold breeze her eyes popped open, ‘Oooh crap!’…